So, what is the most fundamental and essential component to this and every other relationship…well, any that hope to last? TRUST!! Trust is the foundation, and without it, everything else would crumble. It takes time to build, and it can’t be rushed. We didn’t hop into a relationship and say, “Okay, here I am! I completely trust you, do whatever you like!!” I didn’t immediately fall to His feet and beg Him to take me as His. He did not immediately trust that I was strong enough to belong to Him. For that matter, we didn’t even trust each other enough to consider what we have now. That came much later… This aspect of our relationship came after countless nights talking, sharing stories, learning who the other really was, each other’s likes and dislikes. This came after accepting one another for who we are and what we are.
Only upon learning about the other were we able to open ourselves up to new ideas and possibilities. We did not seek each other out to form a Master /slave relationship. For that matter, I had never even thought to be submissive to anyone… The trust I have in My Everything broke down the barriers and walls I had put up around myself. My true identity came forth, and in Him, I found everything I have always needed. This is not something I would have ever allowed to happen with a random stranger.
Personally, I could never go out and actively search for a Master. The idea is preposterous to me. How could anyone trust some random stranger with their life? Oh, but wait! You met them at a munch, or possibly on the internet and you’ve checked references and had coffee! Really?! And you trust them to take care of you, to never harm you, to fulfill your needs? I’m sure that contract you signed takes care of all that, right? If that’s what you want, hey, that’s you…
I have often read how slaves feel that they must be owned or that they can’t function. If you can’t function without an owner, then I think you need to have a sit down with yourself and examine who you are and why you feel that you must be dependent on someone else. The inability to be without an owner is unhealthy. Slavery is not about weakness. Slavery is not about being owned because you are incapable of living without the direction from another. Slavery is about submitting in order to please you both. Yes, it does fulfill a need and desire inside each of us, but we as a person should never become a slave to being a slave. That is the difference between a healthy and unhealthy slave, in my opinion.
The point of this is not to say “well you’re not a real slave and you are a real slave”. The point of this is to say don’t rush things. Take your time and get to know whoever it is you are with. Be open and honest, build the foundation of a relationship, and do it because it is what you want, not because you are insecure without someone else in your life. This doesn’t just apply to Master/slave relationships; this applies to every relationship you hope to maintain.
Copywright 2012 The Twisted Buttafly
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Slavery
“OMG You’re a what?!” Jaws slack, eyes wide, the color drained from the faces, or perhaps the complexion takes on a greenish hue… My mental image, the one I conjure when I think of the faces of family, friends, or even strangers if I decided to publicly announce yes, I am a slave. I remember my own reaction when my Owner first mentioned me becoming His slave. I am sure I turned green because I certainly felt nauseated. I felt as if I had this giant anvil in the pit of my stomach…I was speechless, horrified, shocked, scared, and yet….here I am. Looking back, it rather amuses me to think that I too thought what “everyone” knows…
Everyone knows slavery is demeaning. Everyone knows that being someone’s worthless property is not a badge of honor. Everyone knows slaves are humiliated, used, nothing more than someone to be pitied or perhaps examined out of morbid curiosity. Everyone knows….nothing. Everyone knows what they have been conditioned to believe. Conditioned by whom? “Slaves” and “Masters”…you know, the internet authorities on the subject, the people that are “living the lifestyle” and posting all over BDSM sites, or even on their own site. The people that pop up while searching the web for slavery, M/s, power exchange. Yeah, those people...the very ones that need to be educated themselves…
I like to educate myself, and I enjoy reading what others say on a variety of topics. I read blogs, forums, articles, etc. One of the things I see is that most of the “slaves” and “subs” really annoy me. I read their posts, and I think "My God these women are freaking idiots!" I don't know if they actually believe what they write or if they spew out garbage because they think that's the reality of life for a slave or sub. Side note here…I really HATE that people interchangeably use the words slave and sub…there’s a huge difference that I will write about later… The truth of what it means to be a slave is quite different than the way it’s portrayed.
So, just what IS slavery? This question can be answered with a few simple words. Being a slave is being owned. It means that upon accepting and submitting to another as your master, you belong to that person…you are their property. That is what defines slavery, but it takes much more than definitions to explain and understand what being a slave really means. For each slave, there is a personal internalization of what it means to him or her. For some, they appear to do it just to fulfill an inner need to please someone, anyone…be it a person worthy of being served or not. For others, it comes from an inner desire to find peace without having to control their own lives. Some people that are weak call themselves slaves, and that is where the negative image of slavery derives. Enough of that before I sidetrack myself too much…
What does being a slave mean to me? It means I love My Everything completely, and because of that love, I have given Him all that I have been, am, or ever will be. It means that I will spend the rest of my life showing Him just how loved He is by striving to please Him, care for Him, fulfilling His needs and wants. It means that I respect Him, and will show my respect through both deeds and words. As His slave, I am not my own person, but I am His person. This does not mean I lost my self-identity, but that I have gained the freedom to be myself in being His. I am freed from the confines of trying to please everyone. I am freed from the social limits and constraints placed on me. I am free of all but Him. In being His I thrive. Anything beyond this is irrelevant to the point of this entry. He knows my innermost feelings on what it means to belong to Him, and they are far too personal to share with anyone else.
Does being a slave mean that when I gave up my control I became His to do with as He wishes? Sure does, but it also means that He has obligations to me. Yes, I said it...Owners have obligations. When My Master accepted me as His, it came with the understanding that He would take care of me physically, emotionally, and mentally. It means that He does not abuse me, and it means that He puts my needs ahead of His own to ensure I am taken care of. When I gave myself to Him, it means that I agreed to do whatever I have to in order to ensure that He is taken care of, and like Him, I will put His needs above my own. Without the other, neither of Us can fulfill the responsibilities that We accepted. Making me drink from a toilet would not be in my best interest because it would cause both emotional and mental harm. What need would I be fulfilling for Him if I were to do that? Nothing. There may be some relationships in which the slave feels that he/she needs to be humiliated as part of their kink, or maybe the master enjoys humiliation as part of his/hers. If it is something they wish to explore and it doesn't cause harm for either of them, great! Their kinks are not what determine what is and isn't slavery in general, and kinks do not override obligations to fulfill the needs of each other.
Slavery is misunderstood because so many that claim to live the life don't understand it themselves. They confuse kink and personal preferences with what it really means to be a slave. They may be too weak in themselves to be able to handle the responsibility to both self and master, or perhaps they rushed into a situation before they really thought it through. I don't know where things became clouded. What I do know is that being a slave is not all the negative hype that surrounds it. I know who I am, I know my value, and I know my place. I am in a position of honor, and to suggest my place is anything less than that shows a lack of understanding for slavery. The insult and degradation isn't in slavery, but instead is the result of the misinformed and misguided.
How did I come to be confident in my position? Because I am loved. Through His love, His acceptance of me, and His care, I have found my place. My place is not as His doormat, but as His little goddess, His buttafly, His baby gurl, His sweet angel, His love. There is nothing demeaning about belonging to someone. There is nothing weak in belonging to someone. It takes great strength to admit your deepest desires and to act on them. I did not give myself to Him as an act of weakness, to shun responsibility, or to hide. I gave myself to Owner in order to make both of Us happy, to fulfill a need that We both have. I thrive in belonging to Him, and it is nothing to be ashamed of.
There are several components of slavery that I will address individually. When looking at each of these, I will also answer what slavery is not. Until then, I hope I have given you a fresh pair of eyes to see through when looking at the life of a slave…
Copywright 2012 The Twisted Buttafly
Everyone knows slavery is demeaning. Everyone knows that being someone’s worthless property is not a badge of honor. Everyone knows slaves are humiliated, used, nothing more than someone to be pitied or perhaps examined out of morbid curiosity. Everyone knows….nothing. Everyone knows what they have been conditioned to believe. Conditioned by whom? “Slaves” and “Masters”…you know, the internet authorities on the subject, the people that are “living the lifestyle” and posting all over BDSM sites, or even on their own site. The people that pop up while searching the web for slavery, M/s, power exchange. Yeah, those people...the very ones that need to be educated themselves…
I like to educate myself, and I enjoy reading what others say on a variety of topics. I read blogs, forums, articles, etc. One of the things I see is that most of the “slaves” and “subs” really annoy me. I read their posts, and I think "My God these women are freaking idiots!" I don't know if they actually believe what they write or if they spew out garbage because they think that's the reality of life for a slave or sub. Side note here…I really HATE that people interchangeably use the words slave and sub…there’s a huge difference that I will write about later… The truth of what it means to be a slave is quite different than the way it’s portrayed.
So, just what IS slavery? This question can be answered with a few simple words. Being a slave is being owned. It means that upon accepting and submitting to another as your master, you belong to that person…you are their property. That is what defines slavery, but it takes much more than definitions to explain and understand what being a slave really means. For each slave, there is a personal internalization of what it means to him or her. For some, they appear to do it just to fulfill an inner need to please someone, anyone…be it a person worthy of being served or not. For others, it comes from an inner desire to find peace without having to control their own lives. Some people that are weak call themselves slaves, and that is where the negative image of slavery derives. Enough of that before I sidetrack myself too much…
What does being a slave mean to me? It means I love My Everything completely, and because of that love, I have given Him all that I have been, am, or ever will be. It means that I will spend the rest of my life showing Him just how loved He is by striving to please Him, care for Him, fulfilling His needs and wants. It means that I respect Him, and will show my respect through both deeds and words. As His slave, I am not my own person, but I am His person. This does not mean I lost my self-identity, but that I have gained the freedom to be myself in being His. I am freed from the confines of trying to please everyone. I am freed from the social limits and constraints placed on me. I am free of all but Him. In being His I thrive. Anything beyond this is irrelevant to the point of this entry. He knows my innermost feelings on what it means to belong to Him, and they are far too personal to share with anyone else.
Does being a slave mean that when I gave up my control I became His to do with as He wishes? Sure does, but it also means that He has obligations to me. Yes, I said it...Owners have obligations. When My Master accepted me as His, it came with the understanding that He would take care of me physically, emotionally, and mentally. It means that He does not abuse me, and it means that He puts my needs ahead of His own to ensure I am taken care of. When I gave myself to Him, it means that I agreed to do whatever I have to in order to ensure that He is taken care of, and like Him, I will put His needs above my own. Without the other, neither of Us can fulfill the responsibilities that We accepted. Making me drink from a toilet would not be in my best interest because it would cause both emotional and mental harm. What need would I be fulfilling for Him if I were to do that? Nothing. There may be some relationships in which the slave feels that he/she needs to be humiliated as part of their kink, or maybe the master enjoys humiliation as part of his/hers. If it is something they wish to explore and it doesn't cause harm for either of them, great! Their kinks are not what determine what is and isn't slavery in general, and kinks do not override obligations to fulfill the needs of each other.
Slavery is misunderstood because so many that claim to live the life don't understand it themselves. They confuse kink and personal preferences with what it really means to be a slave. They may be too weak in themselves to be able to handle the responsibility to both self and master, or perhaps they rushed into a situation before they really thought it through. I don't know where things became clouded. What I do know is that being a slave is not all the negative hype that surrounds it. I know who I am, I know my value, and I know my place. I am in a position of honor, and to suggest my place is anything less than that shows a lack of understanding for slavery. The insult and degradation isn't in slavery, but instead is the result of the misinformed and misguided.
How did I come to be confident in my position? Because I am loved. Through His love, His acceptance of me, and His care, I have found my place. My place is not as His doormat, but as His little goddess, His buttafly, His baby gurl, His sweet angel, His love. There is nothing demeaning about belonging to someone. There is nothing weak in belonging to someone. It takes great strength to admit your deepest desires and to act on them. I did not give myself to Him as an act of weakness, to shun responsibility, or to hide. I gave myself to Owner in order to make both of Us happy, to fulfill a need that We both have. I thrive in belonging to Him, and it is nothing to be ashamed of.
There are several components of slavery that I will address individually. When looking at each of these, I will also answer what slavery is not. Until then, I hope I have given you a fresh pair of eyes to see through when looking at the life of a slave…
Copywright 2012 The Twisted Buttafly
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